In the distant past, capitalism and humanity were intertwined.
In the not-so-distant present, capitalism and humanity are intertwined.
In the distant future, capitalism and humanity will be intertwined.
The more things change, the more they remain the same.
Let’s travel to new places, see new things, meet new people, enjoy new cultures…
…and kill them all.
SpaceX succeeded – at something – and the United Corporations of mankind explored the stars. No longer would resolutions be vetoed by the archaic security council of the now defunct United Nations. United by a common cause to explore places that were none of their business, discover stars that weren’t the least interested in their presence, and exploit resources and planets that obviously belonged to someone else, the corporations brought humanity together and focused their collective, self-serving energies on the stars. Quite predictably, not everything went according to plan. Quite obviously, the denizens of those stars – and almost certainly the planets orbiting those stars – had a few complaints about mankind pitching tents on their lawns, cutting down their orchard trees, setting fires to their family heirlooms, and wreaking havoc in the name of Earth’s peace and prosperity. These complaints were directed to the United Corporations’ sixth-world call centre, where a mostly underpaid customer service executive informed them that waging war was a practical solution to their grievances. The alien factions found this solution viable.
ALIEN GUEST LIST
The Daimhirs were the first to take umbrage at humanity’s incursions into their hunting grounds; not that there is any ground in space, but you get the point. Their construction and engineering resembles humanity’s the closest and accordingly, the United Corporations classified them as a reputational threat and decreed their annihilation. Prior to this, token diplomatic overtures were made with appropriately dressed PR crews to film all the meetings for posterity. Obviously, the Daimhirs declined our generous offer to share their resources and plunder. This is an affront to our kind, generous, human sensibilities.
Personifying aggression and unreasonableness, the Ur’oks refused the UC’s generous offer of twelve hour work weeks with three day vacations a year, with no option for working remotely. Humanity was kind enough to pose a seventy five percent tax rate for their consideration and benefit. Ur’okian green plasma guns vapourised the treaty documents. For such an unforgivable act of dematerialising paper made from Earth’s pristine environment, the UC dispatched its selflessly brave EON fighter squadron against them. The mission was incentivised with a bounty payment for every Ur’ok killed.
Zilgu fanaticism precluded any diplomatic deliberations. Assuming a technical fault with the Corporate Interstellar Translator, the United Corporations sent the deemed-to-be incompetent engineers to parley with the Zilgu and returned their charred remains one by one to their kith and kin. Enraged protesters on Earth called for the Zilgu to be punished. UC representatives agreed after the protesters also acceded to a two percent hike in the global consumption tax rate. The proceeds from these taxes were used to pay EON fighter pilots a hazard bonus, for the Zilgu guns were adept at stripping both shield and hull.
Our diplomats were positively glowing and almost gleeful about negotiating with the Izons, whom they deemed to be a mostly rational and therefore, open-to-compromise race. They based this assumption on the fact that Izonian cubes didn’t prematurely open fire on human craft. Of course, it turned out that the reason the Izons held their fire was the fact that their broadsides fired twice as fast or even faster than the armaments of other races. Subsequent to their refusal to accept the UC’s diplomatic overtures on the grounds of the presence of illogical, irrational, and self-serving conditions, which would essentially destroy the Izonian social fabric, those rapid-fire broadsides rendered Earth’s diplomatic space yachts into so much space junk and debris.
JOIN THE EON FIGHTERS
Accurate shooting guarantees profits.
At the outset of the war, the UC’s space fleet put up a terrific, explosive, very-cool-VFX fight against the many aliens besetting mankind. Events unfolded in Earth’s favour, with the aliens losing ground and humanity’s space fleet chalking up one victory after another. Who knew that humanity was just that good with guns? It was a question that would puzzle every jobless historian for eons to come.
Unfortunately, war is expensive and paying for expensive things is something of a corporate forte. After all, when one of your specialisations is taking increasingly burdensome tax payments from the planet politic, you can afford to hire some smart managers and finance executives to streamline your expenses. Naturally, all those smart cookies arrived at a novel realisation – the best way to pay for the war was to steal every resource that the enemy had. Of course, this meant going behind enemy lines, facing hordes of fanatical aliens and their orbital defences, mining resource nodes and raiding orbital storage stations, and surviving to return the plunder to the waiting cargo frigates. The UC’s human resource managers decided that only the most patriotic, determined, and self-sacrificing individuals would be suitable to undertake such dangerous missions; naturally, they would be paragons of human virtue.
The EON Fighter Squadron
Accordingly, the EON Fighter squadron was formed and mercenaries were offered obscenely high, tax-free payments to fly eight advanced spacecraft, equipped with eight enhancement slots or perks, of which only three would function at any given time. The space fleet’s mechanic claimed that this was for environmental reasons, conserving fuel and battery charge in return for an acceptably mild risk of death-by-alien-fire. Each of the eight EON fighters was upgradable, with technology advancements and reverse engineering being carried on the mothership, a frigate sourced from an obscure eastern factory for one-tenth the standard manufacturing cost. All the parts, nuts, and bolts worked well together, helped by generous doses of super glue. These upgrades would be paid for with the resources retrieved from alien mines, asteroids, research stations, and other assets.
On the battlefield, each EON fighter was capable of temporarily gaining levels, which would allow them to enhance their battle skills. With the right upgrades gained every level, an EON fighter could fire more projectiles, fire said projectiles faster, cool its weapons down quicker, absorb incoming damage efficiently, increase its hull and shield strengths, and improve its weapons’ firing range significantly. Occasionally, enemy munitions or drops allowed EON fighters to repair any damage to their hull, lengthen their survivability in enemy space for long periods of time, and supercharge payloads to detonate nukes.
EON fighters find themselves ranging across the universe, reducing enemy resistance in ten sectors and raiding four enemy refineries that UC intel claims are high-value assets. Even the mothership frigate is not spared the travails of war, for it must extract itself from precarious situations, constantly hounded by enemy craft seeking its annihilation. Despite their best efforts and the UC hiking their bonuses, not every sector can be freed from alien resistance. Interstellar species are no strangers to economic and military reinforcements and they regularly insert additional flotillas into high-security sectors, harassing the EON fighters while offering great opportunities to accumulate a hefty payday. Let the guns blaze and the missiles explode across a starry space, lighting the void up to the delight of your corporate paymasters. Join the EON Fighter squadron and make your mark on humanity’s future. The paycheque certainly helps.
Will you do your part? Do you want to know more?